I had no idea how I got into this situation. She reeked of sex, piss, and wintergreen, it's a smell that climbs inside your nose and decays there for the rest of your life. I heard her whole life story in under five minutes, from when she was thirteen, to the point her car ran out of gas and she walked three miles and no one but me even looked her way. This was the first person I had ever picked up on the side of the road and she looked like she could use the help. Her clothes were dingy white and unwashed. She told me her name was Andrea and she was a stripper at heartbreakers. I worked at a porn shop when I was twenty years old, and you don't forget the face of someone who comes in every night to use the community toilet. Feeling the ultimate gross, I faked a smile. She smiled back, showing her yellow cigarette stained rocks she passed off as teeth. "Tell me about yourself." She said. "Well, my name is Anthony, I work at a meat market, and I’m really behind on my bills." I talked like I was on a game show. I always thought it was funny that I worked at a meat market and I was a vegetarian, though I only drove a truck. It was then that I realized she wanted me to stop at a gas station. She ran in and I contemplated leaving, but I couldn’t do it. When she came back with a bag of hot fries and French fries and her boobs literally falling out of her shirt, I realized that I should have. She ate like she had not eaten in days. She told me that when we got to her house she would give me eighty dollars for being so nice. This was the best news I had heard all day, not to mention I needed the extra cash. So down a long winding dirt road I went on my less than a quarter of a tank of gas. I was so certain I would run out, but then she told me to slow down next to these older guys walking. She talked to them for a few minutes and I just sort of sat there with a "I might get shot" grin on my face. When they asked if I would drive them to their house down the dirt road I obliged. They squeezed their crazy looking bodies into the back of my two door Saturn, and I took three of the world’s biggest piles of scum less than a half of a mile to their house. One of the men in the back handed Andrea something. I had no idea nor did I care what it was. He told her it was "good shit" though so I assumed id be dropping this girl off next stop no matter what. So I take the time to drive a bit further to a very trashy trailer in the middle of the woods and she tells me shell be right back.
I waited for about five minutes, then she was back. "He gave me a check, so we have to go to this guy’s house." I couldn’t really understand what she said completely. I also couldn't believe that I had waited. What is my problem? I saw that her clothes were disheveled, her jacket was off and her hair was now knotted. "Is everything ok?" I asked her. She nodded her head and put on more of the wintergreen hand cleanser I smelled earlier. As she took a bath in the hand cleanser I was following silent directions to our next fuck stop. I couldn’t hear what she said about three times in a row. "Do lew limp lead?" I made a "what the hell" face and asked what she had said. "Do you like head!?" she yelled. I told her I did, and she asked me if she could suck my dick. "Umm, no thanks" I told her. "You don’t like me do you?" she asked. "No, your fine. I just have a girlfriend." I lied. I hadn't had a girlfriend in what seemed like a lifetime. I just couldn’t bear to even THINK about this sub-human going down on me. The thought brought on a throw up burp, but I suppressed like a champion. As we drove she made a lot more references to sex, confirming to me she was a prostitute. When we stopped at the next house two guys ran up to the front door after she had gone inside. I could once again drive home, but this time I had no idea where I was. She came out in less than five minutes, once again her clothes messed up. This time when she came in she was really happy, and I could not even begin to have understood the things she was saying. I just sort of half smiled and nodded. She told me to drive to yet another gas station, so I did and it wasn’t very far. She went in but before she left she told me it was bad that her car had broken down on her birthday, but it was good that I stopped, and she wanted to hang out with me. I remembered that her car had run out of gas, not broken down, and wondered why all of her sentences were running together and she seemed to be getting increasingly dumber. When she got in she asked me if I chased the dragon. "I don't do drugs, but I have no idea if that’s a drug or not, sounds fun." I told her jokingly. "You never chased the dragon!? (she was laughing at me) ... can I smoke?" She said this while taking out a home made looking metal piece and began her ritual. She was smoking crystal meth in my car.
Well, that made my head spin around but I managed to pretend to look cool as I drove the rest of the way to her house. Cop cars passed me and I gritted my teeth. I was now on empty and ready to kill. As I pulled up in her drive way, I saw a house that looked like it was made of scrap pieces of metal and that it was disproportional to the size of humans. About ten feet bigger than me, as if a giant lived there. I also saw a guy about my age with horrible acne, each red mound pulsing with redneck fever as he said, "you ain't no police is you?" Andrea told him in her meth language that I was her friend. I was so out in space so I just nodded yes. She told me with a scared look on her face that she would meet me in a few minutes with a hundred bucks for my trouble at the gas station down the road. She then showed me her car parked in the woods. Out of gas, broken down, now right in front of me in the woods. "Wow," I thought, "this is fucking stupid." So as I left my new friend and drove straight home knowing there was no money coming my way, nor would I ever want to talk about this to anyone, I thought, "Crystal meth, that sounds like a cute name for a girl. If I were in the porn industry and a girl, I would make my stage name Crystal Meth."
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