This is a true story. No events or names were changed. Suck it.
Like a lot of my friends, I'm always searching for a simple job for some quick cash. Sometimes this will actually work, or sometimes you may find yourself in the middle of some weird fake pyramid scheme bullshit. Or you might have a day like I had a few years ago...
I found a job on the net or maybe the paper (can't recall) for "ADT Alarm Sales part time". I thought "ok, I'll check this out...maybe i'll do it for a couple weeks to grab some sweet cash". I called them up and they scheduled a little get together. Drove from my house across the dam to Irmo, SC and walked into a small building that housed a few even smaller offices. There I met Mark and Judy Savage, a married couple probably in their early to mid 60's. They seemed nice enough at first, told me a very VAGUE description of the "job" and then all of a sudden I'm hired out of nowhere and filling out all the necessary employment paperwork. They told me to come in the next day and we'd begin. I showed up the following morning to begin my, uh..."training". I got into their minivan with the both of them and we were off. What followed was several hours of door-to-door sales techniques trying to sell people alarm systems. It was the shittiest of the shit, not for me or any other self-respecting humanoids. They explained to me how it was a good idea to go to POOR real fucked up neighborhoods because those people tend to want the alarm systems more...yeah, great. A couple hours in I had already made the decision that I was done with this, I wasn't gonna show up the next day...no way, too shitty. They kept trying to convince me to try out the sales pitch myself but I assured them I wasn't ready and I needed to watch them do it all day.
We eventually found ourselves in the tiny redneck town of Gaston, South Carolina. We pull up to a small house where there were deer antlers/scalps sitting out on the porch. I'm sitting in the minivan with Mark Savage parked on the side of this small little road. A redneck gentleman on foot comes walking up to the minivan and starts telling us something, so Mark Savage rolls the window down. He starts to, rather politely even, tell us that we can't park there in the middle of that road like we were. I wasn't thinking much of this situation and was sitting there twiddling my thumbs waiting for the day to be over. Well apparently this gesture ENRAGED Mr. Savage as he said "what? what the fuck did you say!?" and flung open the minivan door and lunged at the man. The man seemed stunned and surprised, and then it happened: Mark Savage's 60-something year old white fist connected with this mans 40-something year old white face...and HARD. I was quite taken aback...this random old dude I don't know that was training me on the job just beat up some guy...wow. The man, bloodied and bashed, runs away while yelling something to the tune of "i'm callin the cops man!". Judy Savage hurries back into the minivan and we're off. I'm sitting there in silence as Judy and Mark argue about what just happened. Mark feels it's important to continue the work day, while Judy disagrees...she wants to go back now for her sake and mine. He starts to pull up to another house but Judy is adamant "I think we should just go back now, that's been enough" to which Mark replies in stern anger "GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR JUDY". Judy gets out of the car and attempts to make yet another sale while I still sit in stunned silence at this rather odd day. We continue our drive to another neighborhood while the old married couple in the front continues their bickering. I look to my left out of the window while we're going down the road and notice something. It's the guy from earlier, the man that was punched...he's pulling up beside us in a small red pickup truck with a video camera in hand and he is filming us. I'm the only one that noticed this and I decided to say nothing. The man speeds off in front of us and is out.
We pull up to yet another house, but before we have a chance to get out the fuzz shows up. The cop comes up to Mr. Savage in the minivan and issues him a citation for soliciting or something like that, and maybe something else too. Of course he also mentions the guy who got beat up. This enrages Mark Savage further as he berates the police officer and screams in his face, there were many "FUCK YOU!''s and "Im not paying it!"s. Well this finally convinces Mr. Savage that it's time to take me back and end the day. We drive off into the sunset. Judy and Mark make sure that I'm still down for the job and that I'm still showing up tomorrow, I say "oh yeah for sure" because I don't want this old man to kick my ass. Then Mark tells me "Sorry about that Paul...I'm an old fighter buddy". I'm not sure exactly how this makes his insane raging episode any better, but ok.
We get back to the office and I hop into my car and get the fuck out of there, knowing that I will never be back. And that was my day on the job.
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